Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
Author: Nina W. Brown
List Price: $14.95
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ISBN: 1572242310
Publisher: New Harbinger Pubns (30 March, 2001)
Sales Rank: 1,465
Average Customer Rating: 4.1 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 4 out of 5
Uncanny insights, helpful suggestions, not great literature
I found the author's descriptions of narcissistic parents and their affects on adult children to be concise, insightful and helpful. The author begins by describing the narcissist parent and the adult child's responses to him / her. The behaviors included were wide ranging and the moments of recognition frequent. As the child of an artful narcissist, I felt like Brown understood my position and tied together behaviors that I had not previously seen as stemming from my own parent's narcissism. Brown goes on to offer sympathy for the plight of adult children of narcissists, but establishes a strong position that the parent will not change. The message to children of narcissists is to move on, but not without tools for dealing with the narcissist and the ability to care for oneself. Brown offers practical advice on how to lessen the impact of the narcissist's volleys, which are helpful without being trite. (I've even experimented with some of the suggestions that Brown makes, e.g. flatter the narcissist, agree with his / her criticisms, and these are enormously empowering because they allow the person targetted by the narcissist to gain a sense of logic and clarity in the interaction.) The one weakness of the book is the writer's style, which is sometimes sloppy. All in all, that was a small price to pay for a book that contains wonderful insights and genuinely helpful suggestions.
Rating: 4 out of 5
Narcissistic Parents, Narcissistic Off-spring
Is there a linear connection between narcissistic parents and narcissistic off-spring? Is there a lineage of narcissism? Is narcissism contagious? Judging by the number of books about 'affected children of narcissists', the answer would seem to be: yes. Growing up with narcissistic parents is tantamount to being a POW, a hostage, the object of the whole spectrum of abuse. It is trauma writ large. And it can - and sometimes does - distort the child's healthy development. Narcissists are, as Nina Brown says, 'self-absorbed'. The child is an extension, a plaything, a toy, a nuisance, a threat - but never, simply, another human being with needs (especially emotional ones) and boundaries to be respected. This book is a straightforward presentation of this state of siege and how to overcome the pernicious after-effects of being exposed to narcissism, replete with case studies. A fascinating read. Sam Vaknin, author of 'Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited'.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Concise and to the point.....
Some readers seem concerned with the gramatical errors in this book. Frankly, if you need to hear the words it has to say, you probably won't notice a typo or two and it is far from unreadable! As to the author's Narcissism, I have read several books, "Trapped in the Mirror" is one, written by authors who were obviously too close to the subject to do more than talk endlessly about THEIR issues. This isn't that kind of book.I just sent my copy to my sister who called saying how ashamed she felt to be relieved that my elderly parent's visit to her home had come to an end. When they walked out the door she was suddenly able to feel "real" again. What she felt was the overwhelming sense of fatigue, anger and hurt that had been bottled up for days during their visit. She wanted to know why they had to be so horrible and felt that there must be a way to "change" their behavior.
This book doesn't help you to change your parent's behavior. It does help you to understand the complex mechanisms that make them to do what they do. More importantly it addresses their affect on you and how you can work to change the feelings and dysfunctional life strategies their have caused you to adopt.
Please excuse the typos. I don't have an editor either!
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