Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Author: Susan Forward, Donna Frazier
List Price: $13.00
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ISBN: 0060928972
Publisher: Quill (01 April, 1998)
Sales Rank: 3,799
Average Customer Rating: 4.77 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
This book brings a lot of clarity !!!
I am an emotional blackmailer, I just had no idea until I read this book. It was suggested to me by my soon to be ex- husband who couldn't take it anymore. I thought I was being strong and standing my ground and this book helped me to see that I was emotionally bullying other people. I beleived I was always right and no human being can be. It also helped me to see that it doesn't matter if you are wrong or right, making another person feel as if they must agree with you or they are "bad" is not OK. I was using the behaviors descibed in the book to protect myself from being hurt and have hurt sooooo many others in the process. If you're a person who always feels like a victim or have no idea why so many people don't like you when you think you're such a wonderful person READ IT!!!
Rating: 5 out of 5
Outstanding book--truly helpful!
This book does a very clear job of defining emotional blackmail so you can begin to easily spot emotional blackmailers in your life. It then concludes with telling you specifically how to deal with emotional blackmail, that is, how to keep your energy, resources, and sometimes your very soul, from being stolen by them. Something that was particularly important for me personally in the book was the part at the end where she talks about not emotionally blackmailing *yourself*! What an insight! I realized that even when rigid, controlling people are not around to inspire guilt, fear and shame in me to get me to do things that are hurtful to me for their selfish benefit, I have a "voice" in my head that does the job for them, telling me that whatever I do that doesn't fit the world view of past and present blackmailers is "wrong," "selfish," or even "evil." So I beat myself up on behalf of my blackmailers even when they are not around to do it.
I also was impressed by the insight that not only does it "take two to tango," that no one can blackmail me if I don't let them, but that it is also possible for me to actually "train" people to blackmail me. This is particularly, true, I think, for those of us raised in rigid, controlling homes with emotionally blackmailing parents. Thereafter, we are, so to speak, fertile ground for any future emotional blackmailers.
I had rather been realizing these sorts of things the past few years now that I'm in my 40s (the middle years when we suddenly reevaluate our whole life), and gradually eliminating emotional blackmailers from my life, without exactly using that term. (The term I used was ridding myself of people whose presence felt like "being nibbled to death by ducks.") This book has validated my innate human "right" to not be eaten alive by the selfish demands of others.
Kudos to Ms. Forward!
Rating: 5 out of 5
Excellent!
To be honest I'm only halfway through this book, but that's enough to know that it was certainly money well spent. I believe this book really could change your life. My suspicions were correct; I was being emotionally abused almost every day by my ex partner. The author offers some amazing insight that makes perfect sense. It identifies the 'four faces of emotional blackmail', which you will recognise instantly. I truly believe this is required reading for everyone, because we are all potential victims, if we aren't already.Wonderfully down-to-earth, well researched; can't recommend it enough.
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