Fatherloss
Author: Neil Chethik
List Price: $23.95
Our Price: Click to see the latest and low price
ISBN: 0786865326
Publisher: Hyperion Press (17 January, 2001)
Sales Rank: 40,573
Average Customer Rating: 4.75 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
Informative for wives, too!
My husband lost his father a few years before we got together, but in reading this book, I think I was able to understand better much of what he went through and what forces have made him the man he is today. I'm the author of "Fatherless Women: How We Change After We Lose Our Dads" (Wiley) and I was struck by Chethik's handling of an (obviously) related topic -- particularly by the similarities and differences he uncovered in men's experiences as opposed to women's. All of this, by the way, comes in a lovely, readable book -- making it useful for those of us who live with fatherless men, as well as for the men themselves.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Here's my title -- BUY THIS BOOK!
First, I am pleased to see the 5-star reviews dominating the customer reviews. I finished reading FatherLoss about three weeks ago, but I had to wait to write this review because something was going on as a result. Since reading FatherLoss, I have had talks with my wife and my mother and sister that I never thought I could have. And my brother, who I never talked to about such things, opened up to me for the first time in 36 years. We lost my father suddenly in 1965 -- at a very young age for all of us. I truly wish now that I had this book back then, even at a young age. How helpful it would have been for my mother, to give her guidance, to read to us for reassurance and understanding of our emotions. So many things I thought were wrong about me turned out to be "normal." Thank Mr. Chethik for making his book available now. For all persons who have suffered loss, or who know somebody who has -- get this book; get it for a friend, a spouse, any relative. All aspects, all ages, all problems, all relationships can be found in FatherLoss as it relates to a son's loss of his father and all consequences for all persons associated with the suffering son. It is for women in love with such sons, for their sisters and mothers -- and for the son himself. I have seen Mr. Chethik present a reading and discussion at the Unitarian Church of Evanston. Beyond the hard work and thoughtfulness of his book, Neil Chethik is a kind man. For all he has done for me because of the words in the pages of his book, and for countless others, we should all thank him, and wish him great success -- I have no doubt, Mr. Chethik, that your son looks at you and thinks, "My father -- he's MY father." Thank you and congratulations.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Fatherloss gently comforts, illuminates and instructs
I am one of the four per cent of American sons who have experienced the death of their fathers before the age of eighteen. More than any other occurence in my life, that single event informs me of who I am, what I represent and how I hope to live my life. My bereavement has now lasted some forty years, and, at times, my grief is so freshly-minted it is as if Joe, my father, died just yesterday. Despite the enormous love I held for him, despite the knowledge that he reciprocated that love, I am still in mourning. As an adult and the father of two extraordinary sons myself, I yearn for a sense of peace, for a farewell to Joe, so that I may live the remainder of my life not suffused with the pain of loss.A friend who has experienced torment over fatherloss encouraged me to read Neil Chethik's "Fatherloss." Knowing the depth of my despair, my friend sensed that reading "Fatherloss" could become a transforming experience. It was.
"Fatherloss" is a detailed study of the impact of a father's death on sons. It comforts, illuminates and instructs. Chethik interweaves anecdotal responses of bereaved sons with his own life-affirming observations and commentaries. His volume gently tears down walls of silence and suffering; it is not only profoundly moving, it is liberating in the understandings it presents to its readers. As Chethik maps the differing responses of sons to father death through the variables of age, prior relationship and impact, he sheds light on the dilemmas and pain sons face as they attempt to mourn, assess loss and rejoin the living.
I now realize that I am far from alone in my reaction to my father's death. Like many sons whose fathers' premature death shattered their lives, I never said goodbye to Joe. Never told him how much I loved him. Never gave him a final kiss. Never thanked him. And the resultant guilt and false sense of responsibility for his death caused my adolescence to be a period of unceasing loneliness and emotional isolation. I disintegrated, despite the outward appearance of success and attainment.
Chethik postulates that instead of words and tears (traditionally associated with female mourning practices), men often act. We make or create legacies. My headlong descent into a life of achievement and altruistic service, my feelings of never quite being able to live up to Joe's gigantic presence, my rejection of praise and any other compliment that would permit me to feel good about my life -- all these behaviors, in Chethik's wise hands, make sense and fit into a larger mosaic of how men respond to loss.
Not every page of "Fatherloss" will be crucial to every reader; after all, it was difficult for me to identify with sons who had no relationship with their father or sixty-year-olds who had ample time to prepare for the demise of their father. Thus, some passages of this volume may appear to border on the irrelevant to a number of readers. Yet, "Fatherloss" provides solace, guidance and hope as nothing else I have read in my life has. There are paragraphs in this remarkable volume which will graft themselves on sons' hearts, where their impact will engender a sense of hope, a sanctification of memory and a capacity to relinquish grief. The sheer principled beauty of "Fatherloss" is its affirmation of life through the passageway of grief.
Similar Products
When Men Grieve: Why Men Grieve Differently and How You Can Help
On Grieving the Death of a Father
Longing for Dad: Father Loss and Its Impact
When a Man Faces Grief / A Man You Know Is Grieving
Book Index