Getting to 'I Do'
Author: Pat Allen, Sally Arteseros
List Price: $12.50
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ISBN: 0380718154
Publisher: Avon (01 February, 1995)
Sales Rank: 22,205
Average Customer Rating: 4.12 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
Very Interesting!
Watch out, this is a very deeply provocative book. I wouldn't call it spiritual, but would say that it honors an enduring psychological energy exchange that is very real yet confounds most of us as we bumble along wondering why the things we are doing in our relationships aren't working. This is a very intelligent yet practical treatment of how this energy needs to be exchanged in relationships. I have being reading this book over and over for the last year to get it's principles into my mind. But the payoff has been tremendous. Its provocative content forced me to take a doubletake. I just couldn't believe what she was saying, yet something about it spoke to the part of me that always worked hard to be independent and do the right thing by being an equal in a relationship.The book encouraged me to cherish the feminine side of myself. Those of you out there with low self-esteem know how difficult this is to maintain. Read the hostile reviews and you'll see that some find it impossible to cherish themselves. Applying these principles, although they may seem simple, is not easy. The negotiation strategies, for instance, take practice -there has been an ongoing learning curve in my case. The author shows what to do in painful situations where some of us get reactive and defensive. (See her "5-step clean up" strategy.) The neatest thing is that the responses to this approach are loving and cherishing. The cherishing is what I have always wanted and now know how to get. It's what makes the relationship a romantic love affair instead of a business deal type partnership. And it brings out the best in my boyfriend, a maturity, that he never knew he had. Of course there are times when we switch roles and he shares his feelings and I share my thoughts. In my opinion, any person who says the author does not advocate this role reversal at times just did not sincerely look for the balanced approach that is here in this book, and that's not a fair treatment of her philosophy. If you want to grow up in a relationship, this book will help point the way. In writing this, I am "casting my bread upon the waters," in hopes that it will give someone else a chance read it and to experience what the book has given me.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Shocking!
Please don't be put off by the corny title. And if you're looking for a sweet book with easy solutions, this is probably not a book you would enjoy because I think the material kind of requires an open mind and a willingness to sacrifice certain behaviors. Personally, in the end, I found the rewards to be great. I owe the success of my marriage (8 years and counting) to this book. Of all the books I have read (and I read A LOT), I tell you, sincerely, that "Getting to I Do" is among the top 5 most life-transforming. Several of my friends have also had good results. If I had one criticism it would be that I hate the cover!
Rating: 5 out of 5
The Bible of Our Marriage
Dr. Pat's book clearly and persuasively presents how to find and manage a relationship. She divides the halves of a relationship into two main patterns: "masculine energy" (wanting to be respected, listened to, followed) or feminine energy (wanting your feelings cherished, willing to listen and follow the masculine energy partner's lead). (The usual break-down is masculine energy men: the active pursuer; and feminine energy women: the receptive target, but Pat also advises the reverse on how to find and create their own balanced relationship.) Pat helps you to determine which one you are, and then how to attract and not drive away your complement energy.
Too many women act out their masculine energy in the work place all day, and forget to return to their half of the balance when they come home. No (straight) masculine energy man wants to have a competitor, a masculine-energy person (in effect, another man), for his partner. He is looking for a relationship with a receptive and loving feminine-energy woman. Because the workplace drives women to ignore or suppress their feelings, they need to re-ground themselves in feminine energy, to be feelings-centered rather than rational, logical, and directive, to find a solid relationship.
By staying grounded in your preferred energy polarity (to an extant Pat suggests you will actively negotiate once you have achieved a joint commitment to monogamy, exclusivity and longevity) you DONâ??T end up with two of the same â??ends of the magnetâ?? pushing each other away!
Her book is just marvellous and TOTALLY useful! I periodically re-read it for "innoculations" in retaining my focus, and not shifting randomly or unexpectedly between feminine energy and masculine energy (and yes, I got married about 10 months after finding her book!)
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