If You Had Controlling Parents
Author: Dan Neuharth, Neuharth Dan
List Price: $18.00
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ISBN: 0694520225
Publisher: HarperAudio (01 October, 1998)
Sales Rank: 170,108
Average Customer Rating: 4.68 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
Tremendously healing & thought-provoking book!
So many self-help books are badly written, offering warmed-over rehashes of what's been said many times, or giving simplistic "Dr. Laura"-type answers to complex problems. IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS is one of the most original, well-written, thought-provoking books I have read. This book provides the most penetrating understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics I've ever seen. I understand my controlling mother and "strong, silent" father on so many more levels than I thought possible after reading this book. The author gives many examples, exercises and questions, all of which encourage you to think for yourself -- which is particularly good after a lifetime of being told how to think. While many self-help books help you understand a life problem but offer few tools to solve it, nearly half of this book is dedicated to offering wonderfully original ways of both healing and problem solving -- giving readers many ways to grow instead of some simple-minded pat formula.
Rating: 5 out of 5
I loved this book!
I did not personally grow up controlled, but my husband had the most controlling father and mother on the planet. Their control still rubs off on our marriage and on our own children. Every time my husband has an interaction with either parent, he is depressed and angry for days and can be a bear to live with. And I really dislike taking our kids, age 3 and 8, around his parents because they are so toxic and narcissistic. When I saw this book reviewed in USA TODAY I immediately ordered it and devoured it. This book hits so close to home. The people profiled in it come alive in ways that are touching and sometimes painful to read about. The book gives wonderful suggestions on how to set boundaries with controlling parents -- or, in my case, parents-in-law. But more than anything, I thought this book so totally nails down exactly how controlling parents do their damage and why they do it. I have a much deeper understanding of why his parents are the way they are. It doesn't mean I like them any better, but at least I get a sense of where they are coming from. And that helps me get a sense of where my husband is coming from. My husband is now reading the book, so stay tuned.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Practical, insightful, multi-faceted
What I liked about this book was that it covers these problems from so many angles- Why do people become controllers?
- How it affects the children short and long term
- The different types of controllers
- How to declare and achieve independence
- Whether to confront him or her
He talks about the different ways you can be a good or bad parent. I gave the summary chart from this to my daughter, and asked her to score me and my wife. We found it very useful. I think any open minded parent would benefit from reading this, because no-one is perfect.
The book is practical and not judgemental. My only quibble is that some of the dysfunctional behaviours described in the book are not really 'controlling' so the title is slightly misleading. Having said that, there is plenty of material on controllers and this is the focus of the book.
So many self help books are not that helpful...
In many cases they seem to be about helping people blame others for their problems. Even if others are responsible in large part, people need to take ownership of solving their problems, and many of the books do not help with that.
In other cases, I see self help books being used by abusive people as manuals and cookbooks for justifying and extending their abusive behaviour. See the reviews of "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud for some examples.
This one is for people who actually want to understand and solve their problems. Highly recommended.
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