Letting Go: A 12-Week Personal Action Program to Overcome a Broken Heart
Author: Zev Wanderer, Tracy Cabot
List Price: $7.50
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ISBN: 0440147301
Publisher: Dell (01 August, 1987)
Sales Rank: 6,986
Average Customer Rating: 4.26 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 4 out of 5
Very helpful ideas but shouldn't be the ONLY book you read
First off, I'll agree with the recent reviewer that the book smacks of chauvinism. I kept checking during my reading of it to see whether it had been updated and indeed it is "fresh" from 1978. So I had to overlook those issues. I read MANY books to get over my separation from a long marriage - and then the loss of the next significant other. This was definitely one of the best for understanding that love CAN easily be an addiction to a person, in the mold of addiction to drugs, alcohol, etc. So the concept of behavior modification is really neat. Now, here is my reservation, and why it doesn't get a fifth star. I suspected (even in my puny, non-psychologist mind) that this book glossed over the grieving process. Behavior modification to "short-circuit" the lowest lows of despair, etc. And then my counselor confirmed that concern. So while behavior retraining might work, do you cover over grief that you're later going to have to deal with anyway? Isn't it better to plow through it and get it over with? That's probably why my last breakup was the worst - I ended up grieving (subconciously) for ALL previous losses because I had never worked through them. So take this book for its insight on how your love is an addiction amenable to change, but be careful about training to skip over your feelings. Read a book on grief over loss, in addition to this.
(most of all, if you are newly separated or divorced, first read "Crazy Time". Now that's what saved me in the darkest early period.)
Rating: 5 out of 5
I haven't actually read it yet
This is more of a question than a comment. I just bought this book after a break up with my boyfriend of four years. However, my situation is a little bit different than the book talks about. We are kind of in the limbo phase where he needs to grow as a person outside of the relationship but we both still love each other. But in order to do that, I think we both need to move onto the relationship and then come back to it (there was no fight before we broke up, we still communicate). For anyone that has read it, do you think that this is an appropriate book for trying to move on from a love even though there is a possiblity of getting back together? Also, would you recommend reading the whole book at once and then working on each skill week by week or should I just read each chapter as the weeks pass? I would appreciate any imput. Thanks a lot!
Rating: 3 out of 5
Maybe There's a Little Male Bias?
"Letting Go" is definitely worth reading, as it's obviously very helpful to lots of people. But as a sensitive and experienced woman who's been through heartbreak more than once, I found myself questioning some of the book's assertions and recommendations.I certainly agree with the reviewer from Middletown who flinched at the advice on page 63: "It's okay to have sex with somebody just because they're there and they're nice." Not only can that attitude lead to STDs and exploitation of the "nice" person, but it can be emotionally damaging to the heartbroken person. Certainly for women, casual sex while in the throes of an emotional crisis is usually a bad idea.
This is just one example of what I suspect may be a bias toward men's experience in "Letting Go." References to "getting off" and 'scoring" don't sound like they're intended for female readers. There are also statements like, "Women usually depend on men for things like the illusion of emotional security, financial support, social respectability, general rescuing, and the opportunity to play the highly touted family game." Which century are the authors thinking of?!
The authors also use male pronouns quite consistently, despite an introductory note announcing their intention to use non-sexist language.
In general, I felt like"Letting Go" was not written with me in mind. I know that many of the techniques it suggests have been helpful to many women. But its language and attitudes really relate much more to men.
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