When I first picked up the book Life's Work I put it down, deeming it not appropriate for BlueSuitMom's working mother audience. How wrong I was. Initially in the introduction I was put off by this sentence "Not a one of us seems to be able to give 100 percent of themselves to their job and 100 percent of themselves to their family and 100 percent of themselves to taking care of themselves." I read the line and decided she was wrong ... there are so many of us that can and do have it all. However, I didn't get the point ... the point she was making is that inevitably there are times when our balancing act glitches. When sometimes "life and work collide."
Had I finished reading the introduction I would have read that the point is that we can work, have a family and take care of ourselves but sometimes they all can't happen at the same moment in time. Sometimes one has to come first. Sometimes there are dare I say "sacrifices."
However, when I finally picked it up again I read that "No one can do it, because it cannot be done ... So let's start forgiving ourselves when we can't do it ... So what if the house isn't as clean as it should be? So what if that last business report was not the best you've ever written? So what if you're eating takeout for the second night in a row, or haven't been to the gym in weeks, or sent your children to school in crumpled shirts on school picture day? ... I'm not saying that none of these things matter. They all matter, but not all the time ... even I know that 100 percent plus 100 percent plus 100 percent equals more than any one person can do in a day. So what?"
This might have been the most powerful message I've read in a book -- ever. Because today I vow that this will change my life. From now on, I'm not going to stay awake until 3 a.m. stressing out about why I'm not good enough. Why do I have to spend countless hours worrying that it isn't good enough. Some days I send out newsletters to BlueSuitMom readers with typos. And probably no one notices (okay maybe some of you do since you write to say hey this link is wrong or this tease didn't actually exist in the newsletter). And today I am saying "So what if it wasn't the best." This is a radical thought since normally I will agonize for hours that heaven forbid Rachael made a typo or put the wrong link in. In fact, I profusely apologize to those who write in ... but from now on I will give you the right link and repeat to myself "So what." I've learned that sometimes our best work can't be perfect.
It isn't that I don't care about producing the best source for working mothers on the Internet; it is just that sometimes I will remember that no one can be perfect. And for years I've always strived to be that exception. I'll work until the middle of the night and then wonder why I don't have as many friends as I want or have the time to religiously stick to the gym.
But from reading "Life's Work: Confessions of an Unbalanced Mom" I've now decided that I can't have it all 100% of the time. I can maybe only have 95% of it all. And for today ... that will have to do.
And I hope that Belkin's message will get through to all of you as well. Sometimes we can't do it all. Sometimes we have to skip out of a meeting to attend a child's play ... sometimes we have to fake being sick ... sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break.
I'm sure that all our readers will enough reading Life's Work ... the best part is that the chapters are only a few pages long. It's the type of book to keep on your desk and read when you actually find that five minutes of time for yourself. And if you are saying you don't have that five minutes I encourage you to read the chapter entitled "September 11, 2001." I certainly needed the reminder that there are some things in the world that we can not control ... but what we can control is our reaction to things like guilt.
I want to hear what you have to say. How do you deal with guilt? Am I the only one awake at 4:30 in the morning because I've only slept for 4 hours tonight? Feel free to write me at .... Let me know if I can publish your response in one BlueSuitMom or better yet share your "So What" moments on BlueSuitMom's message boards ... and don't tell yourself you don't have the time ... since we all have the same amount of time. It is up to us to decide how to use it. And if you don't want to start the dialogue ... that's okay my response is now "SO WHAT?"