Men Who Can't Love
Author: Steven Carter, Julia Sokol
List Price: $7.99
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ISBN: 0425111709
Publisher: Berkley Pub Group (September, 1997)
Sales Rank: 10,248
Average Customer Rating: 4.73 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
Should be titled "How Not to Become a Man-Hater"
After 3 years of the roller coaster relationship, it took moving to another country to get away from my commitmentphobic. We were like magnets with opposite poles - when I moved closer, he backed off. And when I left, he'd come running. Then when I acquiesed, he'd do something destructive to the relationship. This book helped me to recognize his behavior and changed my reactions to it. It also let me I.D. those men in an instant and stay away from them. It took 7 more years of being single, but now I've been happily married for 2 years. If I didn't have this book, I would have continued to make the same mistakes and choose the same type of men. It also helped me forgive the man in my previous relationship. This is significant because bitterness can eat you alive and keep you in the same trap. I read it 3 times for strength and optimism. "Men Who Can't Love" gave me hope that someone was out there, that I could change who I would choose, and helped me stand on my own two feet until I found him.
Rating: 4 out of 5
Reading my life but yet what's really up with guys?
It's been 4 months after my breakup with my ex who I had 2-year relationship with and sometimes I still tried to figure out what's going on. From the beginning I know I didn't do anything wrong but just can't believe his "love" to me would make him do this to me. Surprisely few males (from his side and my friend's friend) ever jumped to the conclusion that his bitter behavior is to get rid of me when he acted on his run-away as saying "I-love-you-and-you-are-the-one-I-want-to-be-with-forever" stuff and playing around with another woman. I thought they overexplained but now I think it makes some sense in some level. (And it's surprising that men know men well.)Right now I'm thinking, "What's wrong with the guys?" "Why couldn't they act consistently? Why did they give all the mixed messages? Said one but done another?" "Is all because of their fear to commitment? Or just an excuse that they try not to miss out any chance of everything?"
With my experiences, I definitely believe that they know/understand about everything you'd been put through. They absolutely know what will lead to what and they can't help doing it. Is it because they are commitmentphobia or they have the same personality: no courage to show their true feelings and speak it out??
Rating: 5 out of 5
Fear Makes the World Go Around?
There is no such thing as men who cannot love. There are men who have not been able to find the person who reduces the fear that might have been built into them as a result of poor past relationships with parents or with other women so that they are afraid to love. Most desperately want to love, but continue to look over their shoulders, waiting for the other shoe to drop, etc., all in efforts to avoid the disasters of the past. There are also men who have never felt love, and therefore, cannot recognize it, or trust it enough to love. Those are conditioned to loving themselves so much that they cannot bear to entrust themselves to another and place themselves in a position where they must give as well as receive. The quotient or measure of having given or received is the measure by which most men should be measured as being capable of love since love is little more than the reciprocal process of giving and receiving that adds up to love. Failure of commitment is simply the fact that men are not confident in the person who expects that commitment recognizing that once given, it is likely to indicate a desire for permanence. Most males resist permanence since they are concerned with their entire lives, and not just with the moment as many women are given to imagine. Comfortable moments do not constitute entire lives, or partners with whom men might wish to share those lives. Women are generally more conscientious in determining whether a man might be that person, far earlier than many men. Hence, the stifling atmosphere created for men is real, intrusive, and often interferes with their ability to grow to that comfort zone where true commitment can be found. Most men are forced to be deadly serious about their lives, their commitments, and their choices since the world does not easily forgive mistakes; hence, men are super-conscientious most of the time, even with women with whom they feel comfortable, and especially with those they feel might be the partner with whom they can seek the happiness of a lifetime. The fact that men are so afraid of commitment is actually a good thing since without their total commitment, they are unlikely to resign themselves to a lifetime of commitment. Jumping in with one foot is not their ideal style usually, and should not be sufficient upon which women base their own commitment. Because men continue to bear responsibility for what they create, including families, it is unfair to expect that without full commitment that they can fulfill these responsibilities admirably, and sometimes, not even adequately. Attempts to snare men into traps is definitely out since the outcome is always disastrous. Feeling like caged lions, they always rebel, and most, with good cause since their true feelings have never been able to be developed to the point necessary to be their own commitment, rather than someone else's. Most men are incredibly loyal to their own choices, but rarely so to situations in which they feel bound or obligated. Because men are taught loyalty from an early age, women need to recognize how to guide that loyalty so they may find the women and the situation that is right for them. Most men are not given enough time to sort that out, and rarely think about their relationships within that framework of design. If they did, marriages might last longer, and lives might be happier, and capable of creating the fusion that truly does justice to the human condition of male and female mating. Similar Products
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