Navigating the Dark Side of Wealth: A Life Guide for Inheritors
Author: Thayer Cheatham Willis
List Price: $25.00
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ISBN: 0972549404
Publisher: New Concord Press (January, 2003)
Sales Rank: 57,412
Average Customer Rating: 4.95 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
For wealthy people and everyone else
This is a book for anyone who has to deal with the challenges of wealth, but it is especially for the rich who either have inherited large amounts of wealth or expect to pass such wealth on to their children. It is written in a clear, compelling, easy style. In it, Thayer Cheatham Willis, who is both an accomplished psychotherapist and an inheritor of substantial wealth herself, shares both her own very personal experiences dealing with the pitfalls of her inheritance and her professional observations of the many patients she has treated for problems related to inherited wealth.
Most people who are not acquainted with the realities of being wealthy imagine that it is an idyllic condition. But, as Ms Willis came to realize, when she learned of the fifth suicide among her peers from the beautiful, sheltered neighborhood of her childhood, wealth does indeed have its dark side. The patients she describes suffer from guilt, poor self-esteem and problems with interpersonal relationships, as well as lack of a sense of drive, purpose, motivation to be productive and the discipline to stick to goals and accomplish what they set out to do. Happiness, for many of them is elusive despite the fact that inheritors may have a sense of entitlement. The fact that they can afford to have whatever they want, without having to struggle to earn it, may rob them of the challenges which foster healthy personal development in others. Because of the envy and resentment they encounter when they do reveal their circumstances, it is also difficult for many wealthy people to develop and sustain relationships with others, especially those not of similar financial status.
Ms Willis' book is filled with excellent advice on a variety of subjects including the importance of becoming aware of values, finding purpose, achieving discipline, pursuing (and completing) education, and providing good parenting for children who will someday become inheritors. She also gives advice, about what one should do to achieve financial acumen, for those who do not come to their inheritance having learned the in and outs of managing, or overseeing the management of their wealth. Another chapter provides a basic introduction to estate planning and the variety of techniques that can be used to preserve and pass on wealth.
Perhaps the two most important chapters are on the need to work and on relationships. With regard to the former she points out that, "People who don't work become shallow, bored, boring wastelands." What is clearly implied, but not spelled out, is that self esteem is based largely on the feeling that one has developed his or her potential and has something of value to share with others. This chapter focuses on the very real obstacles and challenges faced by inheritors who do not need to work for money and, so, are deprived of financial need as a motivator. There are different challenges for sons and daughters of fathers who have made great fortunes. The former, she points out, feel the need to make their mark in the world but may live with the stress of trying to live up to the standards and achievements of their very successful fathers. Daughters, on the other hand, may receive the message that it is not necessary to work and may end up feeling dependent and incompetent. Work is important to both men and women, though it may not be necessary to make money doing it. It must nevertheless be worthwhile and involve a real, personal effort and commitment. Being a mother is an example of real work and female inheritors are advised not to relinquish this role to paid caretakers. (The same advice should go to fathers.)
The other most important chapter is on the importance of relationships. In this chapter, as throughout the entire book Ms Willis' view is that among all relationships, and more important than anything else an inheritor must do to overcome the dark side of wealth, is to develop his or her relationship with God. She makes clear at several points that, although her own religious orientation is strongly rooted in Christian faith, everyone must find his or her own spiritual path. She also claims that everyone believes in a god, whether they realize it or not, and that developing a positive relationship with God is essential.
There is one assertion Ms Willis makes, a fine point really, that is hardly central to her thesis, where I nevertheless feel the need to raise a question. She states "Your god is simply what you value the most in your life..." It might be, she suggests, family, work, some other pursuit or desire or even money. This troubles me, especially the last possibility. Can your god really be whatever you value? Misers value money. Masochists value pain. Dictators value power. Workaholics value work to the exclusion of other values. I think, and I believe Ms. Willis would agree, that care must be taken to be sure that what we do value most is really what is good. That having been said, this is an intelligent, well reasoned and well-written book. It is filled with good advice good information and encouragement for anyone who may fall under the shadow of the dark side of wealth and also for anyone who imagines being wealthy and can see only sunshine there.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Finally a practical book on inheriting
As an author of three regional-bestsellers and a book reviewer for a metropolitan paper with a circulation of more than 100,000, I read with great interest Navigating the Dark Side of Wealth, A Life Guide for Inheritors, by Thayer Cheatham Willis because I (an average middle class American) grew up with a friend that my classmates used to call "the poor little rich girl." After reading the book, I gave it to my friend because I thought it was insightful, useful, and a valuable tool as she herself is still trying to establish "normalcy" even at age 57. Very little emotional nurturing seems to come out of wealthy families, and that sad deprivation was noticeable enough to my friends of youth for them to realize that our very wealthy classmate was indeed the poorest of us all when it came to what matters the most in life.While some may mock this book, the truth is it is hard for most people not to resent people of means and harbor bitterness or jealousy over not having financial wealth. It is only human nature. If you can get past this attitude, you will recognize that the book is long overdue for people on either side of the wealth line to understand the dynamics of what money does and does not do. It's an honest book.
It's also very well articulated and presents discussions on several levels, from a basic primer to the more sophisticated challenges wealth presents. The author, who has a national psychotherapy practice specializing in the needs of inheritors, sprinkles her personal experience with those of her clients. She sensitively covers the gamut of topics that inheritors must deal with, including the spiritual, which in this day of political correctness would be ignored by most writers. She recognizes the universal need of the heart for a personal God - when you walk with the God of the Bible, you find true life out of the dark side of wealth.
I doubt there is one among us who doesn't feel that if only we had a little more money, all of our problems would be solved. This book brings us down to reality. And while some of us may never see huge amounts of money, others may indeed inherit enough wealth to send us humbly to this book to learn how to manage without losing our soul. Whatever, however, the book opens our eyes to see the disadvantages of wealth and hey, maybe it's pointless to covet after all! Monied or not, everyone has the same need for love, compassion, and understanding. Money does not heal the inside hurts or brokenness.
The author wrote this book because she saw the need. None of us has to look far to see dysfunction, perversion, sadness. This book can help some get a life who are still struggling.
Rating: 5 out of 5
An Important Book for the Right Reasons
Navigating the Dark Side of Wealth is an extremely valuable book for all the right reasons, because its focus is not on accumulating and multiplying material riches but on fostering the emotional and spiritual values so vital to coping with the destructive allurements, issues and challenges that confront many inheritors of material wealth today. It is a text on developing character and morality -- on protecting one's soul against the pervasive ravages of human greed. Similar Products
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