Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages
Author: Barry W. McCarthy, Emily J. McCarthy
List Price: $16.95
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ISBN: 0415935512
Publisher: Brunner-Routledge (15 January, 2003)
Sales Rank: 2,841
Average Customer Rating: 3.4 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 4 out of 5
A satisfied reader....
What a surprise to see that the reader from Kalamazoo was disappointed with this book .... Au contraire, I thought the authors did an excellent job of laying out reasons for lack of marital bliss between the sheets, and then presenting great step-by-step strategies and techniques for effecting change.
There were many eye openers:
* Good sex in a marriage contributes 15-20% of marital vitality. Bad sex contributes 50-70% of marital malaise.
* Romantic love is inherently unstable usually ending before marriage or seldom lasting past the first year.
* Sexual desire is based on emotional and sexual intimacy NOT on romantic love or passionate sex.
* YOU are responsible for yourself as a sexual partner. It is NOT the job of the spouse to make you desirous or turn you on.
* Good intentions are not enough. You need a PLAN to enhance your sexual relationship. The most successful strategy is a gradual step-by-step process.
* The most powerful aphrodisiac is NOT an esoteric technique; it is an involved, aroused spouse......
The McCarthys did a fine job of differentiating "media hype" sex,(spontaneous,intense,nonverbal,passionate,perfect)from "real marital sex", (less than half of the time there is equal desire,arousal, orgasm and satisfaction).
I also enjoyed learning about the poisons for sexual desire. It was a jolt to discover that sexual desire is SO easy to kill.
I could go on about the merits of this book.... Suffice it to say; it was a great and informative read. I highly recommend it for all couples, but especially for those grappling with sexual concerns.
Rating: 3 out of 5
Unfulfilled
After reading 40 or so pages of this book it seems the author's major advice is to see a sex therapist ASAP! This plug comes up repeatedly and infuriates me!
I have heard the phrase "I want to sleep!" beyond count. Do the authors of this book understand the word "avoidance"? I'm sure many of you lost lovers out there know were I'm coming from - we don't have a prayer in getting our spouse to get in to see a sex therapist, period.
I keep reading, looking for some good words of wisdom, but if you were looking for this I would recommend David Schnarch's books. At least, he gives the intelligent reader the benefit of a doubt; they have the power to change the dynamics of their love life (without the sex therapist
Rating: 5 out of 5
My highest recommendation
Barry and Emily McCarthy have written THE book for couples who are mired in a sea of sexual avoidiance. If you still love your partner, but you somehow just can't make the sexual connection, read this book. It is a treasure trove of practical, realistic
strategies to revive your love.Here, finally, is the comprehensive, thoughtful, down to earlth, un-gimicky guide and roadmap I needed to have to give to the many, varied low and no sex couples who I see for sex therapy. There is no simplistic, woman's-magazine advice to be found in the pages of Rekindling Desire. I can't think of anything I wish the authors had said that they omitted. The discussions and the cases have depth, and as a reader struggling with the problem of a low sex relationship, you will find yourself in its pages. As the reader, you can hear the authors' seasoned clinical voices cheering you on, giving you sage advice. A major strength of this book: you get concrete, healing suggestions for rethinking, reframing, and constructively talking to eachother about this important, joint problem.
You also get the chance to give up some long-held myths that are ruining your chances to reawaken love. I admire the McCarthys' discussion of normal sexuality and their counseling on realistic sexual expectations. Just reading through Rekindling Desire will be educational for all couples. Low and no sex relationships are complicated. Rekindling Desire does't promise instant cures, it doesn't hype the "latest advances." To make deep changes, readers will need to be committed to change, to grab hold of the techniques provided. But by adopting the "intimate team" approach, a loving couple who each intend to reclaim their due share of physical and emotional connection and sexual desire will surely succeed.
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