This book gave the best, most concrete advice on determining what our next steps should be. The helpful tool provided by this book is the Separation Contract which lets each person spell out their needs. It helped me think through all of the important issues, document what was important to me, & discuss it all with my husband. (We also shared our finished contract with a trusted pastor friend for accountability purposes.)
I would recommend this book to anyone who doesn't know what to do next & would like to at least consider doing something positive for your relationship, even if you think there is no hope for your situation.
Try to save your marriage. Go to therapy. Eschew adultery, namecalling and other forms of abuse. Take care of your children. Don't buy this book.
But you don't want a divorce. And you don't want things to stay the same.... Whoah: There is another option to those 2 extremes! CONTROLLED separation.
{Note: 2 Marriage therapists got rich off us & FAILED us because they lacked this vision. To them: PLEASE READ THIS BOOK. Can't hurt to add to your repetoire!}
This book helped me break that paralyzing fear of staying 10 more years VS. cutting all ties & being suddenly alone.
It gives you structure. You work out your own contract, with or without therapists. Once apart, you can conduct a productive exploration of your self & your relationship. And talk to each other as you decide, on a VERY limited schedule, to see how it is going. No fault finding, no blaming. (We each have therapists and support groups on the wagon for this venting.)
Read chapter "My Marriage is Making Me Sick" first. Then, read the "Differences between trial and controlled sep.". This was better for my husband's attention span. Then, he was hooked.
Then get a 6 month lease somewhere. If you have a verbally/emotionally distant, abusive or very insensitive mate,
this may mean PEACE for you the 1st time in years.
THE GOAL IS: Happy, healthy reunification. But -- If nothing else, this approach lets you KNOW you tried EVERYTHING you could before divorcing. And you learn how to avoid similarly BAD partner match-ups for the future.