The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
Author: Harriet Lerner
List Price: $25.00
Our Price: Click to see the latest and low price
ISBN: 0060196386
Publisher: HarperCollins (01 September, 2001)
Sales Rank: 11,053
Average Customer Rating: 4.75 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
AFFIRMING AND LIFE CHANGING
I'm a therapist, and like therapists around the country I recommend Lerner's books to my clients, especially THE DANCE OF ANGER. To be honest, I thought she had said it all. But to my surprise, she really outdid herself in this book. No one can afford to miss this one. Her writing is witty, engaging and her advice is solid and clear as a bell. She teaches us how to talk to the most difficult people in the most difficult situations, like when we are betrayed, rejected, insulted, or cut-off. This book offers help when we can't figure out whether to stay or leave a relationship, when we can't make ourselves heard, or when a partner or family member can't or won't apologize. It's a book to read slowly and savor, because it will change your life. Or you might just zip through it because you can't put it down.
Rating: 5 out of 5
THE BEST "DANCE" BOOK YET!
"I've read all of Harriet Lerner's books starting with The Dance of Anger which has been my relationship bible. But The Dance of Connection is her best book yet. Lerner is wise and helpful, funny and real. The chapters that meant the most to me was one on clarifying a bottom line and another about "voicing the ultimate" in marriage. I finally got the difference between complaining and being able to take a clear position with my husband--and stay with it. Together with the chapter on warming things up, this book has already made a huge difference in my marriage. I was also fascinated by the author's revealing story about her dad's silence and how it effected the family. There's terrific advice on how to "find your voice"--and what to do and say--when you are rejected and cut off by a family member.
Rating: 3 out of 5
Cannot rate because...although "good idea"...
And of course I believe everyone can benefit by learning "emotional intellectualism" and how to "fight fair"--just for their own personal evolution, etc. --However, I also know from bitter personal experience, that one can reach out, send hugs, letters, gifts, cards, calls, not expect (nor even desire) an apology from someone who really is at fault, really has hurt and/or betrayed you in some way--and all you want to say is "ouch, please don't do "x" cause it hurts me"--only to find that no amount of logic, love, communication and/or caring can make that other human care and/or reciprocrate--or even listen to one for that matter--but the worst is when this even includes ones' closest and most intimate blood relatives. The deepest cut is when the person you're attempting to reach is your own supposedly superior, intellegent, PhD-educated, IBM veteran father and your three grown (all 30-50 year old) college educated, professional, so-called "successful" brothers. But each and every effort on my part to communicate (so far anyway--5 years now--but "never say never" I guess--but let's face it--it's going to be "never"--My own mom died when I was 7 and there's no one to support or take my side now) has met with either NO response (best scenario), or else my letters/gifts returned by the PostMan, unopened and marked "refused by sender" (a little worse)--or (worst case scenario) you get horrible ranting hostile personal attacking email, or phone call which attacks you personally as being "unfit" or "bad" human deserving of nothing good--and completely failing to address the hurt one had originally mentioned, and attempted to resolve--just adding a myriad of new painful hostilie attacks on one instead. I never believed one's own father could choose his ego/pride over his only daughter's heart and soul--but I was wrong. I am a living example that sometimes..."sh-t happens." And you cannot stop it. Unfair "sh-t" happens and you're powerless to prevent and/or resolve it. A relationship involves 2 people. 1 person cannot fix it. No matter how hard she might try or desire it otherwise. And that is a pain I hope no one else (although I'm sure there must be some) has to share with me.
Just a word to the "wise..." (and/or "ignorant"--as the case may be)
Thanks! And don't stop trying anyway, ok? Shalom, to all my human brothers and sisters--all human siblings everywhere...
Similar Products
Life Preservers: Good Advice When You Need It Most
The Dance of Deception: A Guide to Authenticity and Truth-Telling in Women's Relationships
Book Index