If you've tried bravery, common-sense, and straight-out endurance, try reading this book instead - because incredibly, Susan Anderson managed to not only help you understand what you're going through -- she also comes up with five amazingly original exercises that can actually HELP you endure the unendurable. I know. I've been using them. I cannot say enough about this book.
Anderson doesn't ever water down the agony -- twenty-five years of work with heartbroken patients has made her very aware of the intricacies of abandonment grief. But despite this realistic knowledge of the pain, she offers hope -- not the glib, "You'll recover eventually!" hope of most breakup-recovery books, but a nuanced, particular hope specific to each grief stage, and always attentive to the suffering you are undergoing at each moment. An incredible, generous and loving book.
This book explained every single thing I was going through.... even the really crazy stuff... like how when I'd see him my heart would race and my hands would shake even though I knew he wasn't going to actually DO anything to me.
The way this guy broke up with me.... he asked me to meet him, for what I thought was a date, and ambushed me by breaking up with me publically in front of her and a lot of other people.
Your book explained to me that I didn't just FEEL like I was ambushed and/or attacked... but I physically reacted that way too. which is why every time I see them together, my body reacts as if it were in danger.
It helped me so much just to be able to understand why I was acting what seemed to be so crazy!
The exercises helped so much too. As I read it, I noticed myself moving through the stages just as described... and as I did the exercises... I started to get the distinct impression that I actually was healing afterall.
This book has been my manual for getting through this crisis... and hopefully finally working out my feelings and issues regarding all the previous ones too. So they might not come back to haunt me again.
When I hit the RAGE stage last week, I may have thought I'd gone insane to suddenly be so angry. But I knew, when I saw it, because it was in the book, that it was me healing... I tried to listen to the advice in the book, do the exercises, and use my anger in productive ways, and know that I'm on the right path because this book is a really good guide.
It will comfort you through the tough times, and help guide you to where you need to go when you're ready to move on through each next stage to healing.
I am happy to be able to see things in this new light.
I feel like this book has given me my sanity back.
Or maybe shown me that I really did have it all along afterall.