Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-By-Step Guide to Helping You Decide Whether to Stay in or Get Out of Your Relationship
Author: Mira Kirshenbaum
List Price: $13.95
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ISBN: 0452275350
Publisher: Plume (July, 1997)
Sales Rank: 5,669
Average Customer Rating: 4.6 out of 5
Customer Reviews
Rating: 5 out of 5
No more relationship ambivalence!
Believe it or not - I picked this book up on a marriage retreat weekend! I had been going back and forth in my head for years over the issue of leaving or staying. We spent thousands of dollars on counseling and retreats yet I was on the verge of making myself crazy with no clear decision ever coming from the incredible amount of thought I put into the question of whether I should leave or not. I could always come up with a long Pros list of why I should with an equally long Cons list of why I shouldn't. I read this book in two hours and knew that I was incredibly unhappy in my marriage and had to get out. Kirschenbaum helps the reader to assess their relationship through a series of guidelines and come to the decision on their own. No more pros and cons lists, just a step-by-step guide on how to make the decision that's right for you. I am in the process of a divorce now but know that this is the right decision. On difficult days, I sit down with this book and review some of the questions that she asks in such a no-nonsense way and remember that yes- I am happier being out of my relationship.
Rating: 5 out of 5
A Great Tool
The author does a great job of talking to the reader in a no-nonsense way about relationship ambivalance, which is something that many of us go through at least once in our lifetimes. It's a fantastic tool to help you examine how you feel about your relationship and if most people who feel the way you do were happier staying or leaving. I found this book to be extremely helpful--I had already made my decision before I read it, but it gave me reassurance that I made the best choice for me. It just reiterated what I already knew, but it was good to hear it from another source. If you are debating leaving a long-term relationship or marriage, buy this book. I have 5 friends that I am FORCING to read it just so they can get out of the state of ambivalence which helps no one. I know this book will help them in one way or another. Good luck...
Rating: 5 out of 5
Scary - in the best sense
My husband & I have had our share of ups & downs over 20 years; 10 years ago we did marriage counseling for 2 years, and just started up agin. We're in the middle of a nasty, passive-aggressive fight right now, so I bought this book yesterday when I was in the bookstore for something else (also reading Goleman's Emotional Intelligence - enlightening stuff). I'm about half-way through, and I want to buy a copy for my husband to read. I'm afraid that I recognized myself in some of the chapters, here I'm thinking I might want to leave - what if he wants to leave me? MK's questions are truly helping me to focus on what issues are important, and I believe will help us focus our discussions with our counselor to be more productive. If I'm doing destructive things, and this relationship has value to me, then I need to work on changing those behaviors. We have lots to work on, but I suspect this book has articulated something for me that my husband has never been able to, and it feels at the moment like this has the potential to turn things around for me (and, I hope, us).The concepts are very clearly communicated, with examples, which always helps me to really "get" concepts. It's an easy read, though I recommend keeping a box of tissues nearby. Obviously it's very thought-provoking. As other reviewers have said (often more eloquently) - MK is gentle but very very direct. She will support your quest for honest answers, and in my mind has been careful to leave the ultimate decision in the readers' hands. That said, it is SO helpful to have feedback from other people who've had the same questions I do.
I wasn't going to give the book 5 stars because I don't want to give the impression that it has all the answers - but I've changed my mind, because I think that a book that points you at your own answers is probably superior.
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