One of the things which I like most about this book is that it's written by a man. The author has worked with abusive men, and he knows what he's writing about. He's very straightforward. The included lists are very helpful--myths about abusers, abusive attitudes, warning signs, etc. The "safety plan" for leaving the abuser is particularly helpful. The steps which an abuser must take to actually change is also included.
This book is very good at describing what abuse IS. For example, grabbing, restraining, blocking your path, threatening physical harm (even if he doesn't actually carry out the threat) is physical abuse. These are all things which my husband has done. It is such a relief to know that someone has actually labelled these behaviors as abuse. (Although, at the same time, it's frightening to discover the awful truth, when I realize that my husband is, in fact, abusive.)
I recommend this book to all women who feel they are being abused. I also highly recommend it to therapists--I think it should be required reading for all of them.
However, it is yet another book that seems to assume that it's always men doing the abusing. The author does comment on the fact that there are many men suffering abuse at the hands of their female partners, although, unfortunately, he then completely ignores this until a male reader, like myself, may actually start feeling guilty for simply being a man. I have no doubt that the abuse of women is a bigger issue within relationships, but this doesn't mean that men's suffering should be ignored. The author seems to imply that if there are some serious problems in a relationship, it's probably because the man is abusive. Why? Well, because he's a man.
Lundy says of abusive relationships between gay women that it is often difficult to determine who is the abuser and who is the victim. Why? Because there is no man to instantly blame? I was in an abusive relationship with a woman for two years and I recognise and feel validated by so much of what is described in this book. Much of it, namely the violence side of things, doesn't apply, but that's not to say it wasn't a horrible mind-bending experience for me. There were points in this book where I actually started doubting myself again, wondering if, being the man, I was the cause of the problems. Those are exactly the kind of thoughts that I need to rid myself of if I am ever going to fully recover. I'm a man, and was abused by a woman.