Alone that was enough to drop the book down to 2-3 star level, but the real clincher was the episode of domestic violence (pgs 127-8) related in another anecdote which Molloy describes as "hysterical", as in "outrageously funny". I cannot sanction such glib treatment of such a serious topic and therefore recommend people who think similarly shun this book entirely. This episode occurs in a context where a woman is pressuring a man into marriage, and if you loosely equate such emotional pressure used against a man with the physical pressure a man might use against a woman to get sex, well you get the picture.
Besides those two fatal flaws, Molloy is pulling the ... that by interviewing people coming out of marriage license application bureaus that he is somehow able to elucidate their (especially the woman's) "Secrets". But this is an illusion: since 85-90% of the population marries at some point you might as well do a general survey, with all the attendant problems with self-reporting and self-deception that anthropologists and sociologists are well aware of (and are ignored here). The women with fresh marriage licenses have just gotten lucky, i.e., their turn has come up and it's not like they necessarily know anything other single women don't. (In other words, part of the marketing for this book is based on women's jealousy; perhaps this is why there's a picture of a diamond ring on the cover rather that some generic hubby...) What it boils down to is that a lot of what Molloy comes up with, and announces as if he's just come down from the mountain with The Truth, is largely spurious. The book is entirely self-referential: he doesn't compare or contrast his "findings" with the work of others, as if he were the first to look into this topic. Right. This causes him to get several things exactly backward, such are the "discovery" that men want to marry up, which is actually a result of female strategies and "selection effects".
What's not spurious is generally rather obvious, or just plain wrong IMO. Like other books in this extensive genre, the whole thing is a mix of truth, half-truth, and the downright ridiculous (like going around with a book on your head and rolled up washclothes on each shoulder - to improve your posture.) Molloy does come across as being something really old-fashioned out of the 1950's -- he's always women's champion. Only a very traditional (and fairly naive) woman *might* find something useful here, though how one would separate the valuable material from the [not valuble] I don't know. Due to space limitations I've only touched on a few of the many things wrong w/this book - my critique could easily be several times longer.
This book provides the kind of information women wanting a mate need, whether they like it or not. Sure, some of it sounds wearily familiar, like women who allow their weight to creep up drastically lower their chance of marrying, or one needs to love oneself first. But the section on how to determine whether the man you are dating is likely to marry is a gem.
As well, Molloy (like Rachel Greenwald in "How to Find a Husband After 35") suggests women widen their criteria for potential mates, describing an underappreciated group of men in their 30's, 40's and 50's who dearly wanted to get married but have about given up, they have been rejected so often. Most lacked in one of three areas: Looks, height and social skills. Sound familiar? Just substitute weight for height, and you have why women are usually rejected, too.
But Molloy went on to say that these same men were just as nice, just as intelligent, and just as hard working as the more attractive men. Same as with ladies, right? So give each other a chance, huh? Molloy suggests several dates with these underappreciated guys before making up your mind. When first date jitters subside, you might find a bit of a prince emerging.
The most eye-opening chapter was #5: Speaking of Marriage. According to Molloy's research, in approximately three out of four marrying couples, it was up to the woman to get conversations about marriage started, if not to downright insist on marriage if the relationship were to continue. Goodness! And Molloy follows up his figures with suggestions on how to get the conversation going. This is probably both good and bad news for the already overburdened ladies - If he hasn't popped the question and you need to do a little pushing, you are not alone, by far.
The only disappointing chapter was the last one, "Meeting Online." Since this is my area of expertise (I am a CyberRomance Coach), I found the less than five-page treatment of the most important resource to arise for singles distressingly shallow. Really, Mr. Malloy, you should have left this chapter out all together, rather than give it such short shrift. Please feel free to get in touch if you would like me to better educate you in this area - really! I'm serious! You can check out my website at www.KathrynBLord.com!
Some guys, according to Molloy, become interested in marriage when they no longer fit comfortably into the singles scene. Because they have matured beyond the girls who are still in the singles scene, or the girls in the singles scene start to look at those guys as outsiders who no longer belong in the singles scene.
In this book he destroys the notion that women over 40 have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than married, when he relates that he thought the statement was absurd, and looked at the statistics, and saw that nine percent of women who got married in 1980 were forty or older.
Molloy sees men being ready for marriage or not being ready for marriage. When a guy is fresh out of college, he may well want to enjoy his freedom for a couple of years. So he will not be ready to settle down for a while. A woman who wants to get married will concentrate on guys who are ready to get married.
Most men proposed only after pressure was applied by the prospective bride, and Molloy argues that if that pressure is not applied that many of the women would not have gotten married. It seems that there is a natural readiness period, and if the proposal doesn't take place in that period, then it won't happen. And it is up to the woman to push it along in many cases, if it is to happen. Molloy suggests that some pressuring is good, and other pressuring is bad. E.g., "I will find someone else if you don't marry me," seems to make the man defensive and uncooperative.
I am a straight unmarried guy, and read this because I find the topic interesting. But there is a lot of material that would be useful for women who want to land a husband. There is nothing that focuses specifically on getting a husband of your dreams, per se, but there is material to help you assess whether a current "Mr. Right" is a waste of time (and time destroys mate-finding opportunities!). Or how to proceed with a Mr. Right to optimize your chances of a marriage him.
A great book.