Basically the book can be boiled down to a few simple ideas:
1. Be your own best friend and cheerleader.
2. Don't let someone else's bad day become yours.
3. Don't be afraid to try new things.
4. Don't blame your heredity, race, sex, locale, or family for who and what you are today.
5. Don't be in awe of others, especially those in authority.
6. Remove guilt from your life as quickly as possible.
7. Enjoy sex as the gift from God that it is.
7. Don't be afraid to be yourself.
I remember when I first read "Your Erroneous Zones", I felt as if I had always known deep down inside the very things I was reading. It helped me break out of some ruts, particularly with regard to some past incidents and view them in a whole new light.
One drawback in the book and it is a small one, is in the area of relationships, particularly marital ones. There are going to be times that one partner will want to give up something for the other. There will be times that one partner may be dependent on the other and there is nothing wrong with that. Especially if both parties are in agreement and consent. There is a certain amount of freedom that you give up in order to be in any substantial relationship. I think Dyer over-stresses the idea of complete personal autonomy in a couple of places, but thinking readers can pick out and adjust the ideas to fit their own lives.
The important thing to remember here is that each of us is unique with our own set of talents and desires. Although we live in a world that sometimes does its best to break us down and take away our individuality, WE are the only thinkers in our own minds and we have the right and obligation to be ourselves so long as we do not infringe on the rights of others.
I know as the years have gone by that Dyer has gotten into more esoteric and spiritual modes of writing and lecturing and gained a whole new following through those pursuits, but as far as I'm concerned this is the best book he ever wrote. This book will work for you regardless of your religious/spiritual beliefs. It was the first and best of its kind. The ideas are as timeless and fresh as they were twenty-five years ago: Enjoy being yourself.
My complaint about books like this, is they rarely discuss the need for the individual to overcome many of their problems by the simple mechanism of cultivating a decent image for themselves in their community, and augment their social power in order to accomplish needed goals.
If 'learning to love your body' and other approaches advocated in this book help, I say great! But only a naive and inexperienced person goes around really beleiving that it doesn't much matter what others think of them. Good or bad, what others think of you may have a heck of alot to do with cultivating personal and social power, leaving you fre to have all the high self-esteem you may want or need. Working on your social and community image and power, as methodically as possible, ought not to be excluded as part of your over-all 'esteem' program. I don't care if your a flaming hippie, or whatever... issues like public image, place, and power in the community, still must be addressed, and are best addressed consciously. This is better than throwing caution to the winds, letting 'fate take its course,' and relying enitirely on your own opinion of yourself ( tho' self-image is part of the overall picture.)
In short, its no use trying to have a marvelous opinion of yourself. All the police power on your side standing up for your rights and what-not, may not be good enough to really help you, if there are those with negative opinions or actual dislike of you, who have the power to work lack, misery, or harm for you and your life. This is not paranoia. It is practicality, a practical acknowledgment of the total facts.
And woe to s/he who practices Dyers' notions about going around 'expressing your anger' all the time! That can just get you into deep waters. It can get you perceived as uncontrollable, dangerous, even criminally mad. Better to let lose anger in private somehow, as one learns to control it, than risk the social ostracism and denial of necessities you need to make your life smoother. Running around saying whatever the heck you want all the time, always expressing anger - well, you need power to do this. You need areputation that allows you. Others with the power to do so, will simply laugh. They will be glad to cut you down and deny you various things, playing with you, causing you various kinds of direct and indirect harm, while you go around telling yourself how you dont need their opinions, even just a little.
Yes, you are a free individual. You can rejoice in that individuality, it is your birthright, etc. You may not have to be nice, smiley, and sensitive all the time, as you know that may just get you walked all over and taken for granted. But so will neglecting issues of personal, social, and community power.
I look eagerly forward to a revision of Dwyers' little popular classic, now 30 years old. And I hope it will include references to cultivating and acquiring social power and proper community image. This is not stodginess, or 'keeping up with the Joneses.' It is important to do such things so you can avoid abuses, avoid getting overlooked for things material and immaterial you may want, deserve, and need, get needs met, and have the 'high personal esteem' you may want or need for the sake of keeping body and soul together.
This necessary esteem, I might add, doesn't just come from nowhere, as pleasurable as it is to pound one's chest, acknowledging one's 'goodness' to oneself. It is not wise to be heedless of the influential opinions of others who may have great significance, impression, and inluence over the course and direction of your life, in ways you might not have expected at first!
There: I've done much of the work here for you, Wayne. Now revise.